OCCUPATIONAL ACCIDENT

Some days, God loses a pool game to the Devil.
That Monday, he got destroyed.

I was early at my new job. Fully relaxed .... and ready to fake interest in a circus of strangers.

Around 2:40 PM the door opens and BOOM!

Was it thunder? An elevator free fall?

Or maybe I got hit by a truck full of ice?

Time stops. Hands go numb. My brain slams the escape button.

"I must have blacked out" I think.

But my eyes are still on.

All they see… is HER.

And chaos. The absolute kind.

She walks in like the world owes her… the world.

Heads to the front table and joins a group of three others — who were just furniture a second ago.

She puts her bag down and just before sitting,

a demon climbs out of the chaos and whispers:

"Forget the salary. Breathing her leftover oxygen is generous enough, right?"

Hell yeah! Any job, any hours! I could scrub chimneys with my nails just to glimpse her at clock-out!!

I felt strong, like Obelix after a sip of potion. But my knees were still jelly.

On shift, she would walk past me.

Self-control went on break.

My body threw away any manners and dignity it ever had.

My eyes popped out.

My ears played a horror soundtrack.

I was trying to talk sense to my body:

"I pay the bills, you, ungrateful mess! Obey!"

Connection not found.

I stayed positive.

“I’ll be fine soon. She won’t even notice," I wished.

And the universe conspired …. exactly what I feared: she noticed!

Now I had no choice - I had to speak to her.

Watching like a cow mid-stroke is rude.

So, the chance came: "I think you have very positive energy. So, please, excuse me for staring at you."

Thankfully, she did. At least now she knew I was just a fool, not completely insane. Which, honestly, is big progress!

Then everything was fine. Regained consciousness. Breathing. Blinking.

I even managed to make small talk!

"See?" I told the demon. "Challenge complete!"

He let me enjoy the pride... for a while.

Then came the poison:

"Notice what? You’re improving. Is it… her energy?"

"Oh, shut up! Can’t you see how busy I am? I’m not looking for trouble!"

The bastard had a point.

I stopped drinking, I exercised, I even remembered to dot the lowercase i’s!

"Alright," I thought. "I'll return the compliment, say thank you, call it even."

She took my compliments — straight to her spam.

All felt calm.

But the demon hates calm:

"Get to know her better. Maybe she could benefit too. Are you afraid?"

"Me? Afraid?! Ha! Watch this!"

I rehearsed my words… and approached her.

I froze like floppy disk in a CD drive... but I walked.

Her intention-radar was NASA-grade.

She dodged me like I was contagious.

So, I split in two:

One part of me wanted to orbit her energy.

The other knew it was safer to stay away.

Total motor confusion when we crossed paths.

My body didn’t just ignore me — it couldn’t agree with itself!

My left foot walked away. My right foot walked toward her.

Like a beta-test robot — glitching, panicking, possessed.

She didn’t like that.

She didn’t want me to talk to her. Or not to talk to her. Schrödinger’s cat life status.

Then the universe conspired again – in reverse-Coelho style –

and we came face-to-face.

Every vital sign flatlined. I died. Five seconds later, I came back to life — and oddly enough, that was my lucky break!

She liked it. She liked it!!

Turns out, she just liked watching me die - not feel.

The demon still wasn’t done: "You never asked properly. You owe her a clear question. She owes you a clear answer."

I knew silence was an answer, but even that couldn’t shut the demon’s mouth.

So, I went for it. Hearing nothing over my own pulse.

And yep — I got it!

A crystal-clear answer. In three words:

Drop. Dead. Freak.

She said it with a smile. Like customer service.

You find it harsh? It is. Even ChatGPT got trauma.

Auto-replied with a helpline, a funeral cross emoji, and a bug report: "Delusional love — access denied"

And that’s how I learned to shove demons down chimneys.

So yeah, hit 'Like' and keep love out of your timesheets.

Unless your first aider has demon-exorcism training.